Thread: Sex Education - Year 4

Dd is now in Year 4 at school and has mentioned that sometime during this remaining school year she will have a lesson about "you know what" as she says it.

I am not sure I want her to learn about sex, periods,masturbation, men's bits, women's bits, making babies first hand from school and would rather explain it myself but I don't think she is ready to know about it just yet.

I am not sure about approaching the school about it - as I would rather she didn't take part in the lesson whenever it may be. I know all the other children are likely too attend and they will talk about it in the playground - so I am not sure what to do for the best. Help me?

I asked Dd to tell me what she already knew about "you know what" - but she doesn't know anything apart from she will grow hair in places she doesn't yet have any and that she will need a bra when she is older.

Are your 9 year old's aware of "you know what" and if so - how were they told?

The school should be sending a letter to tell you what the lessons will cover, if not ask. dd's PSHCE has been a very gradual introduction over the past few years. Starting with differences between boys and girls, changes during puberty and last year (yr5) basic mechanics of making babies and info on periods etc. Some of her peers are very well developed even by 10 so 9 isn't really too soon. However we did turn down the "Mother and Daughter" talk last spring as she is one of the younger and smaller ones in her year so we (her and me) felt it could wait until Yr 6.

Dd is little and one of the youngets and showing no signs of puberty. Maybe I am just over reacting. Mmmmm

Imogen (9) doesn't know about sex - she thinks it's kissing all night. I have told her a bit about periods just to explain all the tampons kicking around (I use a lot!) and she was 'ah right, wondered what they were'. But masturbation?????!! wtf? It's TAUGHT in school??

I am going to get a book very soon that a friend gave to her daughter & let Imogen read it on her own and then go through it with her. I don't know which book it is but she highly recommended it to me. I think we do need to start talking about it because as they mix with year 6's in the playground they will hear stuff - and it might not be accurate!

I think year 4 is very young, my DD is year 3 and she knows she will grow hair and need a bra and that's about it, and I am happy for it to stay that way. She is very slim so chances of her starting puberty early are low. I think her school do a little bit in year 6 but parents can watch the video first. I have a book called 'what's happening to me?' which I can read with her when the time is right.

year 4? Noooo surely not?

I think year 6 is fine - let them learn a few bits at home from parents before then

By year 6, there were girls already starting periods when I was at school, and that trend will no doubt have got a bit younger since then since that was 28 years ago, so I think schools have to tackle this by around this age really as not all parents will tell their children at all, and it would be awful for girls to start a period and not know what it was.

Dd1 (year 4) has known about periods for ages, mostly from her noticing I had one so it just came up. She can be very inquisitive. She also knows the basic mechanics of making babies as she pushed and pushed to know more than the vague it comes from an egg, etc. She knew something from a man joined with the egg and she insisted on knowing how it got from the man into the woman's tummy. I told her (not in detail, kept it as simple as possible), she declared with horror 'that's disgusting' and didn't ask any more . She will come back to it though I'm sure at some point. She knows very well that boys and girls bodies develop differently and are different inside.

Masturbation we haven't talked about, although I'm certain that some girls and boys will have experimented a little touching themselves so it would probably not hurt to know that that was ok, if private. They are not exactly going to go so far as to teach them how to climax in any case.

By all means find out how the are approaching it, but I would be very cautious about withdrawing her from it as you will be keeping her out of something that will no doubt be playground talk amongst the others and I don't think that's fair.

Erm, Imogen does know what sex is... She made some comments today when there was a bed scene on Ace Ventura. I pretended I didn't hear her as alex was in the room but I need to talk about it now. Just not sure how!

Mollie is 9y and in Y5. They've not yet covered sex and puberty in PHSE. Thos term I think they cover relationships, and growing up in the summer, more detailed in Y6.
TBH though Mollie does know some stuff. We got her the pink Usborne book of growning up for girls which is pretty good.
But Mollie is showing signs of puberty She already has very definite little breasts developing (been since just before she turned 9y and now more obvious), and already uses a deoderant for example. Her figure has changed massively over the last 18m. She has a proper waist and hips, and not quite as little girl like as she was.
I am hopeful we are still a good while from the rest of puberty. but felt she needed to know. Got her the book last year.

I think the earlier they know about it the better, as then they will just think it's disgusting like Zoe's DD, and not bother worrying about it until they need to. Anybody who's got chickens or guinea pigs will know the basic mechanics, even if they do wonder if Daddy crows afterwards as well... I think the few who are going to be traumatised about it or corrupted are outweighed by the ones who might get the wrong end of the stick, or need to know and parents don't tell them properly, and get into a pickle unecessarily in the other direction.