Thread: Just wanted to share

my story .... I have suffered on and off with some kind of hormonal imbalance since the age of about 14. I have suffered with PND after each of my children the worst being with Bobbi. The last three years in particular have been very very stressful to the point where I thought I was going crazy, I hated myself so much that I did not want to live had it not been for my soulmate my everything I would probably not be here to tell the tale.

I left my mentally abusive husband 8th October 2005 much to his horror it took me many years to get this courage but I finally did it. He had always said he would make me pay and indeed he did, November 25 he kidnapped my son age 11 brainwashed him and its only now three years on that I am building a relationship back up with him, his choice for now he can see exactly the man his father is. I didnt see my son for two and half years which I can tell you that words cannot express what this did to me. I met and fell in love with my soulmate 3 weeks after I left my husband and I was punished badly for this but who can tell with whom and when you are going to fall in love?? I also fell pregnant with Bobbi 12 weeks into our relationship we were shocked but welcomed the news happy. Not a very good pregnancy, I suffered terribly. I had to sell the marital home and only got my divorce settlement august last year as my ex fought me tooth and nail, this financial broke Russ and I but we survived much to the ex's horror. On borrowed money we manage to put a deposit down on a rented property which we are still living in 3 years on. I had to leave work early due to stress and poor pregnancy health. Fighting all the time to see my son. Due to horrific births with both Joshua and Bethany i was terrified of giving birth to Bobbi and was given counselling to which I am still waiting for??!! Indeed the birth was awful and after 26 hours of gruelling labour I was rushed to c section hell. Another blow and still fighting for a divorce it was difficult times after the birth as I was in so much pain and could not bond with Bobbi in the way I wanted to, I developed severe post natal depression as Bobbi began throwing up bottle after bottle developing acid reflux I could not cope with so much sick I became emetophobic and Russ had to take time off work, with the depression came the OCD cleaning everytime Bobbi was sick the whole house for fear of germs I was diagnosed with OCD and was handed over from the GP to Mental Health Team, all the time still fighting a divorce, my son and coping with a newborn and feeling fat and ugly because of being in a new relationship frightened all the time that Russ was going to leave me. It was the worst time of my life but the best if you can relate to that as I had found my soulmate, my rock my everything I really dont know how Russ coped with all of us but he did and we are so strong today you would not believe. My ex got a girlfriend and surprise surprise didnt want Josh how awful for him and I carried guilt for everything. Mental Health were not supportive and believe me my mum and Russ counselled me better.

Bobbi has outgrown the reflux and my OCD has calmed not completely I still have a cleaning routine not as vigourous but i still have to do it everyday to feel good and clean. My PND has gone, but still on meds as I am too scared to come off. My doctors now say its some kind of hormonal imbalance so that is being looked into at the moment.

I just wanted to share my story and tell others that I have been there and I am here for those who need hugs and reassurance on bad days I guess.

I still have down days but they are mostly good its been tough but until you actually experience something as bad as depression or mental health issues you really dont know just how bad it can be, also for those that love you and are living it with you everyday.

Hugs to anybody that is suffering right now I truly understand what you are going through xx

for you Tripsy. WOW, you have been through it. hey, first things first, no one judges here on MO, believe me lots of people on here have been through all kinds of different things. I myself had a bad clinical depression which spanned..over years.... thankfully came out the other end, again like you had my bestest friend ever, Paul my husband to be there & take the load & burden from me. I'm sure your son will come to his own conclusions about his Dad.... if I were you I would take things day by day & look after those that are most important to you.

Aww thanks Jo xx

That's quite some story Tripsy - you're obviously a very strong woman

wow thats a lot to have gone through.Im glad you met your soulmate he sounds fab.thanks for sharing your story with us & good luck for the future.

You sound like you went through hell, i dont feel like i can burden anyone now. I have not gone through the half of what you have done and still feel like crap.