Thread: advice needed

hi im new here any one any advice for children with problems,am just getting them diagnozed now 9 year old possible tourrettes and asbergers syndrome,10 year old tourrettes and o c d i have 6 children and there behaviour is great compared to theese 2 ,i also have a 16 year old who has a severe attitude problem please help kry306

i have no advice at all, but you must be tearing your hair out. sounds like you really have your hands full. at nine and ten, i would have thought the school would have pushed for diagnosis by now, as once they are statemented the school could have extra money for extra staff to support them. good luck.

as for the 16 year old, is it just teenage attitude? if so it will probably pass. my dd had it from 14-17, but she's an angel now.

hi thank you the 9 year old is statemented as he has a severe speech and language impairment, the 10 year old we have been fighting since she was 2 and a half she has been excluded 9 times from school this year ranging from 3 days to 3 weeks,the 16 year old has been like this since 8 year old in trouble with police insidefor 3 months but no change,

Hi Kry306,
I'm the mother to 6 children also.I have a son aged 10 years who has just been diagnosed with Aspergers and a son 8 years with Dyspraxia.Life can be very difficult and rather more unsettled than joyous at the moment for us.
My son with Aspergers is in a routine,very important.My other son has terrible mood swings partially because of frustration.he is a wonderful artist and we have been using this as a therapeutic tool.
I will post some more later,however it is really late.
I know exactly how you feel.
Just take each day as it comes and look for the positives in every negative.
Hugs Penelope.

thank you Penelope im glad there is someone who understands,your child with asbergers is he aggresive with you or the other children as mine is very aggressive, have tried all the star charts and time out but nothing seems to work

Hi ya Kry,

My son Christopher who is 10 is aggressive towards me and his siblings.
What hurts the most is the intent that lies behind his words etc.We also have tried star charts and rewards for good behavoir,however they are of little use until they undersatnd about their emotions.
We have been using cognitive behavoir therapy.It really is hard work but I believe it will payoff in the long run.
When your son has his moods,firstly you try to find out what set them of,was it the word no you can't have that....or did a sibling activate the emotions by using terms that he does not quite understand or did they even look at him wrong.
I send christopher to his room,I give him time to cool of, nolonger than 2 mins as he forgets what he did,I then go in and talk to him about how he could have handled the situation,and that there are alternatives to becoming angry etc.As soon as Christopher shows sign of anger we send him to time out,he has some relaxation music etc.
The problem with Aspergers is that these children cannot read peoples feelings etc,so he can see your angry,sad etc but he cannot understand or make a connection as to why.Christopher thinks people are angry with him if they don't smile all the time.
When talking to him,keep your sentences short and to his level of understanding,he will get lost in to many words.
I have tried to explain to the other children what Aspergers is,and how they can help settle our home down,by them also thinking about their actions etc.
Remember Aspergers children really don't understand anything that is in the grey area,it needs to be black and white.Something I often forget.For example I may say this afternoon we might go to the pool if we have time.
If we don't have time that day to go to the pool Chris will get into a terrible state and say you promised,you lied etc.So just be careful on word choice.It can seem like a double ended sword as 1 these children need to know where there going,who will be there etc,so there has to be prep time for them,but when you don't end up doing or going to the place etc,they become extremely angry and really can't understand why your not going etc.

???what is your son like when people come to the home unexpected,by son is terrible,rude,disruptive to his siblings etc.

Hugs Penny

my son is the same if people come over so we dont get friends and relatives over much they dont understand the behaviour,we have tried sending him to his room but its 3 floors up and he threatens to jump out the window and kill him self,he has threatended to kill me with a knife and himself so all knives are now out of reach,his favourite game is if his 4 year old sister is lying on the floor he puts a cushion on her face and sits on her,, we dont know where to go for help,the older boys see him hitting and biting me so try to get him off which makes him angrier they cant understand why i dont smack him as they were never like this,my 10 year old has finally gone back to school today after her 10 exclusion swearing at teacher and lashing out she lashes out at me to,some times it is because i say no,but other times there is no reason what ever just sat there being realy good and wham,maham

Hi ya Kry306,

WOW your son and mine sound extremely simliar.The threatening to kill himself is his way of getting your attention,and I guarantee it does.
I have been taking my son to the Child Development Clinic for 3 years now,privately we see a psychologist which does put strain on our finances,however it has been extremely beneficial to him, and myself.
My greatest problem is that my husband is having a tuff time understanding the diversity that comes along with Aspergers,also our younger children imitate often and this is a cause for concern,but as I said it takes little steps and taking each day as it comes.
Keeping a diary of his moods and what set them of is another idea,also you can see if there has been improvement with the tatics you use to help him.
Do you have an Aspergers association,we are about to join one,they organise get togethers for families with children like ours,so that you can talk and bond with other parents.
I have found that my family is of little help,for as far as they are concerned because he looks normal he should be behaving normally etc.
Christopher has an aide in class as at 10 years nearly 11 years he is still unable to read etc,however he has an amazing imagination and is able to put wires,batteries anything electrical and get it going.He also is a great fan of Johnny Depp and the priartes of the Carribean,so he longs to be actor.Strange thing though is he claims I'm stopping him from being an actor,but he refuses to be in any school plays etc.His teacher this year has tried so hard to get him interactive there.
I have met a woman with a son who is 21 years and she said to me Penny there is a light at the end of the tunnel,just hold on tight,when you see your fella doing well and being good tell him how proud you are,when the bad days come just remember tomorrow is a new day.
Kry306,you can count on me for emotional support,so when your feeling low just email me.
I have yet to do my profile.
Hugs Penny

hi penny thank you for giving me some hope in the dark days, my family and my husbands family are no support either my husband hates the way our son hurts me as he can not understand either,my son is very good at maths loves number work,we have no support at all here in wales,we are waiting for him to be seen by the physcoligist but they are far and few between, thank you for your imput it is greatly appreiciated, hugs::kry306

can any one please tell me what to expect at the clinical psycligist appointment and what questons to ask? would be very grateful for any imput