Thread: Should I go to Doc's about ES opinions please

Ok I am a newbie, none of you really kow me but I will ask your opinions about ES anyway. I am worried he has ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder without the hyperactivity)

Let me give you a little bit of backgrround....

ES has never been an easy child to parent, (don't ever get me wrong, I love him to bits, probably more so because he is not easy and has issues) ES has never developed with the "normal" pattern of other children, he has alsways done things his own way. For instance, he was reading at two and as fluent a reader as you or I at three, he is a maths wizz and now studying way beyond his age while still in infants.... thats the positive, on the negative, his social/emotional development has always been behind where he should be and over the years this has caused some pretty spectacular frustration based tantrums and negative behaviour, especially when he was small.

Add into the mix the fact that I had undiagnosed PND... the way this manifested itself was in myself being convinced ES had a "syndrome" that would explain everything and beleive me I went through the lot with everyone else being convinced although polite and may be not saying directly, but convinced none the less that ES issues were down to my lack of parenting skills and inexperience. Certainly it is true that my anxiety fed his behaviour, and his behaviour fed my anxiety yarder yarder yader and I was constantly questioning how I could have got it sooo wrong to have caused my childs problems.

Fast forwarding on, when ES was 4 someone finally red flagged me as having PND and I got help, a calmer less anxious me did help ES and his behaviour improved dramatically, fortunately just in time for his start at school.

So at the minute everything all sounds like it was due to me and my illness.... yes... no... because here we are again and this time I am not ill.

ES is academically brilliant, but still socially/emotionally behind and has difficulty making and keeping friends, he just doesn't get people and if an instruction or behavioural expection doesn't follow the literal of what has been said, he doesn't get it, he is constantly distracted and seemingly away with the fairies for most of the time, it takes an extreme amount of patients to keep him on track, we cope with it at home afterall ES is ES we love him and deal with it, the problem is that outside the home in extra curricular activities the adults and grown ups around him don't. ES is constantly having to deal with frustrated adults who can't help but eventually show anger.

ES is becoming more and more unhappy and I am becoming confused, because of my history I don't want to read too much into things but at the same time, the last thing I want is to let ES down, if there is something wrong and he can have help, I have a duty to find that help for him.

I have spoken to the school, who so far have made obsevations his teacher references incidents that may seem to support me, but refuses to have an actual opinion, but at the end of the day ES is neither struggling academically nor is being a disruption at school so the onus is on me to seek help.

I feel lonely in all of this I really do, I wish I had the corouge of my own conivictions..... your thoughts are most welcome

So sorry to hear you've had a crap time of it. I'm not remotely qualified to help you as I have no experience of this but I would contact the health visitor and ask advice of where to go next. Don't be fobbed off. Yes you are anxious about your child (what good parent isn't?) and sometimes this can cloud rational judgement (always happening to me) but it's important for you to find out so that you can move forward. Good luck xxx

How old is he now ? You could seek a referral to a developmental paediatrician via your gp. Aspergers springs to mind as one of several vague possibilities, or it could yet be nothing, but you really need him assessed. If nothing else it will rule certain things out. Keep a list of incidents and things you notice over a week or two and take it along to an appointment.

Sound advice from those two (first time for everything) and I've nothing more useful to add
You've had an awful time of it, so sorry to hear it

You could speak to the special needs co-ordinator at school (SENCO). arrange an appointment, and talk through your concerns. The school should have a 'check list' that can be filled in to 'analyse' children's development that is relevant to autism etc. It track things like, 'does the child accept praise', 'do they have close friendships' etc. This can then help see if there is a pattern. you can also ask for a referral to an educational psychologist, either through school or your GP.

I will try and ask at school today what the form is called and let you know!!

Even if he isn't on the autistic spectrum etc, if his emotional development is delayed, and you have concerns, an indivual program can be put in place for him by the school, to allow opportunities specific to his needs to be provided. Just because his difficulties are not academic or disruptive does NOT mean they can be ignored by the school!

Hope this helps!

"ES is academically brilliant, but still socially/emotionally behind and has difficulty making and keeping friends, he just doesn't get people and if an instruction or behavioural expection doesn't follow the literal of what has been said, he doesn't get it, he is constantly distracted and seemingly away with the fairies for most of the time,"

And i'm not an ed psych, but as a teacher this comment here is flagging high functioning autism to me.........

I agree with the others...as a parent of a son with aspergers you have every right to ask for an assessment and to have the answers you need t formulate a plan for the future.

nothing more to add I'm afraid, good advice offered up by the others. sending you a

A hug from me too, I think it's certainly something where you ought to seek advice from the school and/or health profession. xx

got this from school sENCO today......

"Some ways in which autism is displayed"

Bizzarre behaviour or mannerisms.
Echolaiic: copies speech parrot fashion
Unaware of common dangers (eg: fires, roads)
Displays indifference (eg, to physical contact from others)
Isolated (eg: sits alone rather than joining others in play)
Thinks and talks incessently about one topic
may have isolated areas of ability
Change is unwelcome and hard to deal with.


Hope this might help a bit! But do go and talk to someone and try and get a referal.....