Thread: church bulletins

They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for churchladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actuallyappeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:*----------------*The Fasting & Prayer Conferenceincludes meals.*----------------*The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walkson the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'*----------------*Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale...It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house.Bring your husbands.*----------------*Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someonewho is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.*---------------------------------*Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help..*----------------*Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obviouspleasure to the congregation.*----------------*For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nurserydownstairs.*----------------*Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the helpthey can get.*----------------*Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. Soends a friendship that began in their school days.*----------------*A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music willfollow.*----------------*At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?'Come early and listen to our choir practice.*----------------*Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of severalnew members and to the deterioration of some older ones.*----------------*Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.Proceeds will be used to cripple children.*----------------*Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased personyou want remembered.*----------------*The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment andgracious hostility.*----------------*Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM -prayer and medication to follow.*----------------*The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may beseen in the basement on Friday afternoon.*----------------*This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across fromthe Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.*----------------*Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies areinvited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.*----------------*The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lendhim their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.*--------------*Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use theback door.-*---------------*The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Churchbasement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.*----------------*Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Pleaseuse large double door at the side entrance.*----------------*The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan lastSunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.

OMG, what a mess!!!!!

Love the low self esteem one !

Brilliant!!