I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my
doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted,
gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by
the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
**********
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do
you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked.
She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
**********
The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own
Easter eggs.
**********
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to
the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?"
"98," she replied. "Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the
undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home is
it?
**********
I've sure gotten old. I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip
replacement, new knees. Fought prostate cancer and diabetes.
I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and
subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation;
hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if
I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still
have my driver's license.
**********

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's
not as sharp as it used to be.
**********
Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
**********
I've still got it, but nobody wants to see it.
**********
I'm getting into swing dancing. Not on purpose. Some parts
of my body are just prone to swinging .
**********
It's scary when you start making the same noises as your
coffeemaker.
**********
These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says,
"For fast relief."
**********
Don't think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it as
your inner child playing with matches.
**********
Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up.
**********
Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You
grow old because you stop laughing.
**********

THE SENILITY PRAYER

Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked
anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the
eyesight to tell the difference.

**********

Now, I think you're supposed to send this to 5 or 6, maybe 10
Oh heck, send it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who
they are....